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Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 10:13 PM
How I have avoided bringing the White House into the bedroom…so far
By Colleen King
Every couple has problems, or issues that will cause fights. If everything were swell all the time, relationships would be about as entertaining as bass fishing.
Without having hurdles to jump, it wouldn’t seem as if there was really anything special about the relationship. That said, I don’t seek out fire, but a little smoke every now and then doesn’t hurt anyone. (Well…maybe.)
Our parents and the relationships we saw around us when we were children seem to be our own measuring devices for how we assume relationship dynamics are supposed to work. My parents, while often a mismatched pair, seem to get along well, as long as the driver’s seat in my dad’s car is not moved, tilted or pushed in any way. So, as long as my mother promises not to be able to see over the steering wheel, their marriage works wonderfully.
Of course there is much more on which they disagree. For example, my mother adores garlic, and my father hates it. So, my mother goes without to please her husband. Is this what it comes down to? Giving up the things we love, so to acquire or keep someone we love?
What if it isn’t as easy as garlic?
In my own relationship, our principle boundary seems to be politics. The first night, before we ever even considered dating, we already encountered this problem. It was 4:00 a.m. and he, two friends of ours, and I were sitting in my living room randomly chatting. The friction between the four of us became stirred as someone said that single initial, "W." I knew where the other two stood on the issue, and quickly realized he was not on my side. Someone, thankfully, was able to turn the conversation back to sex and we were all comfortable again.
As my now boyfriend and I got to know one another we recognized that we weren’t able to stay quiet about politics for long, but we realized that if we were ever going to have a chance, we would have to try. So, we try not to bring it up. He asks me how my political volunteer meetings went, and I ask him about band practice---he plays guitar in a local band.
The names "George" and "John" are avoided at all costs, we turn the channel when we find ourselves face to face with a candidate. After a parade that I marched in or a political meeting, he allows me to tell him why I am excited, but does not, or at least tries not to suggest my ideas are wrong and I attempt to do the same.
I am not willing to give up my views in the same way my mother was able to give up garlic. He can’t agree to push his political-views-"seat" up, so we both can see comfortably while driving or talking. This cannot be compromised. So, I can only wonder if not discussing this will actually help and if we are only currently postponing something that could be the final deal breaker.
Shama, who recently became engaged, explained her theory in compromise to me. She described that in relationships it is necessary to compromise and when we do this it is not necessarily “caving” to suit the partner’s conviction, it is “a gift.” She clarified that we must give and take these presents… and I thought that sounded rather nice.
Kristin looked at me absolutely disgusted when I asked her advice about dating a supporter of the opposing presidential candidate. She said, “How can you be with someone who feels that way about healthcare? I could never ever do it.” She is pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to date someone who is not in her political party, but she is willing to listen and attempt to compromise.
I guess my own dilemma will not be discarded completely. I will not find total solace with my accommodation of his political views, but I can focus on what makes him great, rather than what makes us different.
I like to think that in the same way that there are wonderful people in all political parties, many of whom I call friend, I can agree to disagree with my significant other on some issues the way I have learned to keep my mouth shut about abortion, religion and PETA around these friends. Maybe I am only finding myself in an election year issue and after November one of us (hopefully him) will sulk for a week, and everything will be only disagreements on whether we should eat Chinese food or Pizza.
Colleen King’s column “Miss King Meets the Queen City” is a comprehensive look at “20 and 30-something” relationships in Cincinnati. Her column appears regularly in QCF Magazine.
Links
· Democrat Dating Online: Liberal Personals & Democrat Singles
· Democrat Passions
· Liberal Forum
· Meetup.com
· Republican Dating Online: Republican Personals & Republican Singles
· Yahoo Personals
· Love in War
· Republican Passions
· Conservative Match
· Log Cabin Republicans --- for gay and lesbian Republicans
· Conservative Chat Room
· Green Dates
Contact Information
· colleenk@queencityforum.com
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