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Sunday, December 05, 2004 - 07:18 PM
Helpful tips for the holidays
Gift giving and receiving tips you can use
By Doris Schnetzer
“‘Tis better to give than to receive” is a maxim that’s pounded into our heads beginning at an early age. As adults, though, we realize that it’s also what you give that’s important. Indeed, gifts must be selected with great care because of connotations and unintended meanings some items may hold.
I’ve made my share of faux pas.
I’ll never forget when I gave a new friend a homemade Christmas tree ornament to “warm up” his new house. Guess what? My new friend was Jewish. Though he graciously accepted the gift and explained that he respected other faiths, I began looking for the nearest snowdrift so I could hurl myself and my burning red cheeks into it. Fortunately, I’d also included quality tea and honey in the package, so I saved about half of my face on that occasion.
Please don’t ask me about the time I brought a homemade and unintentionally non-kosher dish to an elegant Passover to which I was invited. And this was a private meal attended by some honchos of the public radio station where I worked. Ouch!
Oh, I was young. By now, I’ve revised my policy on hand-crafted gifts, reserving them only for close friends and family, or “craft-y” friends who encourage this kind of thing. This restriction is difficult for my creative side! However, I find it’s too easy to blunder with these items. Plus, some individuals “read” too much into home-made gifts, and this may create a cycle of care-taking which I’m not prepared to deal with.
So, what to give? Much-appreciated, neutral, and useful gifts include good coffee beans, a coffee grinder, tea, a small plant, a book (not of the bodice-ripper genre), a CD, tickets to a play, or a gift certificate to a movie or restaurant. None of these gifts is confusing in any way. As far as I know, today. I mean, you cannot predict that the smell of that potted lily may remind co-worker Trina of her aunt’s recent funeral or that books as a gift remind new friend Josh of his dad’s constant needling him to “Expand your mind, son, and read more.”
A fine bottle of (insert favorite alcoholic spirit) is a welcome gift for many a host. Just don’t try to impress your boss with such a present if you’ve learned through the grapevine that s/he’s in Alcoholics Anonymous. Hint: Get in touch with the grapevine, if you aren’t already, and avoid some blunders.
Refrain from giving large craft-y items that your host may feel obligated to display in his sleek, spare, modern home. You may loooooove that wreath garnished with fake cranberry balls and the little reindeer dancing around it…so buy it for yourself.
Still, you may want to support local artists, so if you pay attention to conversational tidbits (“I light up my house with candles like we’re still in the Middle Ages” or “I was talking to my personal angel yesterday”), buy that ceramic candle-holder and purchase that hand-crafted stained-glass angel! Your friends will be touched you listened to them.
You cannot always predict how a gift will be interpreted. I gave a male friend some handkerchiefs because he had expressed that he didn’t have any. When he received them, he excitedly mentioned that his friend, Bob, had received handkerchiefs from his wife. I thought, “Oh, no, he sees this as a spousal gift. YIKES. Where’s the door?”
Sometimes I have to remind myself that a gift should be freely given. In other words, it’s possible you will receive a more or less extravagant gift than the one you gave; you may receive nothing. Do not pout if you feel you “deserve” more. You may need to examine why you felt you gave a gift to an individual, and you may decide that next year, you will refrain. Ladies, it is acceptable to gently decline a gift if you feel it’s over-the-top for where you are in a relationship. If that gem-ridden bracelet from Mr. Possible Relationship makes you feel uncomfortable, simply and kindly explain your feeling to him and give it back. He can return it.
But wait, there’s more.
Refrain from lying about a gift you receive with something like, “Polyester is my favorite fabric” unless you want polyester leisure suits until 2010. And don’t say, “I love kittens!” about that latch-hook kitten rug you’re gifted unless you do adore kittens and unless you want to be fully decked out in My Little Kitty items, as this is how such a simple statement may be interpreted. Better to say something hugely neutral, such as, “You’re so thoughtful to give me a gift!” than to dwell on an item that doesn’t fit your personality, your wardrobe, your house, or your preferred colors.
You may decide to throw a party mid-January in which you play games and trade not-quite-right gifts. (Just remember not to include a gift received from any of your party guests!)
Enjoy the holidays, everybody. And remember that other “presents,” like helping your friend move, cheering up your cranky co-worker with a good joke, or listening to a boring story with patience are gifts of time and energy that go a long way.
Links
· FortWayne.com --- “Faux Pas Amid Festivities”
· Gift giving tips”
· Non-traditional gift giving tips
· Mike’s rants --- “How to buy a gift for a man”
· GlossGifts.com --- “gift giving ides for every occasion”
· BremerCommunications.com --- “Gift-giving etiquette”
Contact Information
· letters@queencityforum.com
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