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Sunday, December 05, 2004 - 06:28 PM
By Antonio Reed
Why are N.A. meetings important to me? I struggled for the longest time with drug addiction. It took so many things from me over the years: my family's trust, I lost many friends and women who were involved with me. It took me a long time to see the destruction that drugs caused in my life and in the life of others: 3 of my children - Antwan LaMarr Robinson, Elijah Ishmeal Reed, Dontonio Devontae Reed are permanently committed to Children Services and my only daughter, Antoinieshia Trynce Reed, I'm fighting to get custody now so I can be a part of her life. My oldest son, Antonio LaMote Reed, Jr. stays with his mom. I can see him, but drugs took me from being a father to my children.
N.A. Meeting is just like Chemo treatment is to a person who suffers with cancer. It don't cure the disease that I suffer from, but it does arrest it. Knowing from my past, if I don't stick with N.A. Meetings, I run the risk of returning to active drug use again. N.A. meetings are like insulin is to a diabetic. If they don't take their shot, they run the risk of going into a shock. N.A. meetings are like a kidney to the person who needs it to continue living. N.A. meetings are like a breath machine to someone who can't take a breath of life without it. N.A. meetings are like the umbilical cord attached to the fetus who's life depends on it for it's nourishment while in the mother's womb.
When I cam to the place I'm at I had nothing at all left in me, not even the will to go on living. I lost my self-respect, self-worth, morals, a woman who I really loved--but it turned out I loved drugs more, to the point where I no longer knew how to treat her and she left. I had self-hatred, guilt and shame running wild inside of me. I felt abandoned, not loved by myself or others. But N.A. Meetings changed me a lot. Where else could I go and be dealing with something inside my head and question God about it? Inside my heart I felt hopeless about the situation and the answer came to me from God through someone at the meeting who had been through what I'm now dealing with. And by doing the right thing for the right reasons, things got better for them. By me hearing that, it gives me hope that the same thing can happen to me.
There is a spirit in N.A. meetings that I personally can say is God. It doesn't matter about age, race, sexual identity creed religion or lack of religion. There is only one requirement for membership: that is having the desire to stop using. That's it. I listen. I learn from others who are just like me. While I have not regained a lot of things I have gotten myself back - and the belief that things will be OK for me. The three most important things in life right now are: first, God, second, staying clean no matter what happens third, the program of N.A., because without it, I would return to using and I wouldn't be accountable for nothing.
N.A. saved my life.
Antonio is a graduate of the six-month residential drug treatment program at The Drop Inn Center and was a member of the InkTank writing group while he was there. He is the father of five children. Three of them have been permanently removed from his custody until they reach age eighteen. He is currently fighting for the right to raise his youngest daughter.
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