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Sunday, December 05, 2004 - 05:18 PM
The choice between chicks and (male distinguishing members)
By Colleen King
We have heard the familiar phrases, “chicks before dicks,” and “bros before hoes,” but sometimes the clever rhymes don’t provide us with the perfect rules to life. The balance between beau’s and friends isn’t as easy as a creative proverb, it is much more complicated. So, when is it acceptable to ditch your pals to hang out with a member of the opposite sex? Is there enough time to attend to all of the things we love: work, friends, family, relationships, and even our own personal alone time?
I often find myself saying, “I will not be ‘THAT girl’,” referring to those friends of mine that have disappeared from the planet, or social scene--which might as well be the planet during one’s twenties--after beginning to see some guy. I personally pledged to my friends, while I was still single, that I, if I ever found some guy to actually date me on a somewhat of a consistent basis, would not be the one they didn’t see for months, and our phone calls would not only consist of stories that concerned my happy little relationship and the problems I would conjure in my own psychotic head. I would never become that girl.
This column is an apology.
The truth is no matter how much one tries, it is almost impossible to combine all of the things that are important. I find myself having much difficulty doing this, while still keeping my sanity, if I ever had it in the first place. While I can merge friends and boyfriend to some degree, this is not a fool-proof plan. The friends, especially the single girls, wish for me to party and hang solo, and many a night the boyfriend prefers me sans my guy-trashing-gossip-loving girls. I don’t blame him.
One man can only take so much discussion about shoes, blowjobs, and the OC.
So, I don’t have the answers. I know I don’t have the answers, because each time I begin seeing someone my writing suffers, my sleep is lessoned, and my friends wonder when the Sunday shopping trips will reconvene.
Researching and looking to others for advice proved not so fruitful. I asked people, as many that would listen to me if anyone who was able to balance both friends and a physical relationship. I only found one person who had been 100% successful—to both the sentiments of his girlfriend and his pals. Later I learned, my new dating-idol is in a long-distance relationship; he is living here, and she is in London—this does not count. I was unable to find anyone that could balance everything, while having single friends in the mix.
I don’t have rules for us, and my advice is pretty much garbage. Friends were there before the relationship… they hopefully will be there after, or supporting you, with a smile, in the awful dresses you ask them to wear at your wedding…
I realize there may never be a happy medium, and I may never know exactly the best way to organize my 24 hours, and make all the people I love happy. But, I guess just as I shop for shoes, I have to choose for me, picking out the ones that make me most content. So, if that means, ditching the girls for a night on the couch with the boyfriend, okay, and it that means skipping out on dinner and a movie to go drink and dance with my gals pals—so be it. We only live once, and while balance is important I shouldn’t have to worry so much about pleasing others (but I do…), hell—I’m a Cancer, not a Libra.
Colleen King’s column “Miss King Meets the Queen City” is a comprehensive look at “20 and 30-something” relationships in Cincinnati. Her column appears regularly in QCF Magazine.
Links
· Cosmopolitan --- “How to stay single girl sexy, when you are coupled up”
· bluemountain.com --- Send your friend or honey an ecard.
· friendship quotes
· friendster.com --- make new friends, but keep the old ones! Find old friends, stay in touch with you friends, and make new ones...
Contact Information
· colleenk@queencityforum.com
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